Ignoring red flags because you want to ‘see the good in people’ will cost you later.

As humans, our brain is wired in a way that always pushes us to see the good in the people we love. But I would call it a toxic trait.

There’s a fine line; if we cross it, we harm ourselves, not knowing the consequences that hide behind this so called “goodness” in disguise.

But, let me remind you, this is not goodness, it’s just our misconception. Because, goodness doesn’t hurt you.

I have been there, where you are now. Seeing the good in people, no matter how they treated me.

But what did it cost?

The bond I had with them worsened even if I didn’t want it to happen that way; my mental peace was fading even though I was trying so hard to keep everything intact.

But if someone wants to show you their true colors, you must believe them. Because people change on so many circumstances, to mention.

The society or everything that surrounds you teaches how to love people and how to accept things, and it always shows this is the right thing to do. The society has a unique way of representing things the wrong way.

It never teaches you what to do when someone hurts you.

It never teaches you what to do when someone unloves you.

And it never teaches how to cope with the hardships that life throws at you.

Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. If you always see the good in people, it’s going to cost you so much that it will be a tough nut to crack.

A person can love you, but you may still perceive it the wrong way and get hurt.

They can have good intentions and still repeatedly cross your boundaries. They can carry their own wounds and still become the person who wounds you.

Understanding someone’s pain does not require you to volunteer for it.

I think that’s where we sometimes get confused.

We believe that if we can understand someone deeply enough, we can tolerate almost anything they do.

We learn their childhood.

Their insecurities.

Their fears.

The reasons behind their anger.

And suddenly, their behavior starts making sense.

But understanding is not the same as accepting.

You can understand why someone lies and still decide you don’t want to be lied to.

You can understand why someone is emotionally unavailable and still admit that you need more.

You can understand someone’s anger without allowing them to make you its target.

There is a strange kind of grief in realizing that someone’s potential is not the same thing as their reality.

You may see who they could become.

You may see the kindness buried underneath their defensiveness.

The softness underneath their anger.

The person they might be if they healed.

But you cannot build a relationship with someone’s potential.

You have to build it with who they are now.

And sometimes, the red flag isn’t that they made one mistake.

It’s that they keep making the same mistake while asking you to keep understanding.

That’s different.

Because everyone deserves grace.

But grace should not require you to abandon yourself.

So look for the good in people.

Please do.

Just don’t become so determined to find it that you start ignoring what is right in front of you.

Sometimes the healthiest thing you can say is:

“I believe there is good in you. But I also recognize that you are not good for me.”

And both things can be true.

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